According to Instagram, Megan Markle and Prince Harry, uh, Nottingham(?) are sort of maybe half-leaving the British royal family to split their time “between the United Kingdom and North America,” by which they clearly mean Cleveland—which makes complete sense!

We have a royal vacancy.

Our king of hoops abdicated his throne a couple years ago to move to LA and make Space Jam 2, so we’re in the market for some fresh royal blood. Big plus if Harry can drain a baby hook, but no pressure.

We have very unaggressive paparazzi.

After my birthday lunch at Taza Lebanese Grill (amazing tabouli) a couple years ago, my wife and I ran into Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel. I said “Hi,” and my wife said, “You’re awesome,” and we didn’t take a picture because we didn’t want to be rude and then we left.

Squire’s Castle.

If the Duke and Duchess miss castle life, they can head down to the North Chagrin Reservation and get their fill of battlements and whatnot. “Wait,” you say, “isn’t that where the 1986 Cleveland Browns filmed the celebrated short film “Masters of the Gridiron” starring Tiny Tim, Michael Stanley, and a live black bear for some reason?” It sure is. Speaking of the Cleveland Browns…

We have a job opening.

The Megxit-Nottinghams want to “work to become financially independent.” The Cleveland Browns need a head coach. It almost makes too much sense! Just say “analytics” and “wake the sleeping giant” a bunch, and they can name their price.

We have our own statue of liberty.

France gave our country one when we broke up with the British Crown, so we made a smaller replica just for Cleveland. And it’s only about 25 minutes from Squire’s Castle, which means they can drive to it and then just go home!

It obviously goes without saying, but we’re looking forward to welcoming Archie’s parents to our fair city.

Have a royally great weekend everyone!

Your always crowned-up friends at Brokaw

The Megxit-Nottinghams want to “work to become financially independent.” The Cleveland @Browns need a head coach. #meganandharry

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